Guy Stuff
by ScruffyLovin
Summary: Teal'c sort of learns a lesson at Jack's expense while Sam proves she knows more about the guy stuff than Jack and Daniel think. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: **Don't own SG-1 or any related characters.

**Summary: **Teal'c sort of learns a lesson at Jack's expense while Sam proves she knows more about the guy stuff than Jack and Daniel think. One-shot.

**Guy Stuff**

SG-1 was currently on simple scientific mission, much to Jack's chagrin, on the planet labeled P9B-227. The climate had mantained a nice moderate temperature of around 70 degrees Fahrenheit, and had hilly terrain and green grass, lots of trees and fields of flowers, yet no inhabitants. It appeared to have been occupied long ago, and Daniel was currently digging up (literally) any artifacts he could get his archaeological hands on while Carter took samples of the soil and surrounding plantlife.

Jack was currently leaning against the F.R.E.D. and fiddling with his cap while Teal'c stood by, arms crossed as he watched Daniel digging through the dirt five yards away where he'd found some sort of artifact poking through the ground. Daniel was obviously entranced and fascinated. Jack wasn't. With a final sigh, he threw his arms down and fixed his cap back on his head, pulling his sunglasses back up from where they'd hung down around his neck. "Okay," he huffed, glancing over at Teal'c. "I'm officially bored outta my skull. I'm going for a walk," he started to walk away, waving a hand back at Teal'c, who was still staring at him. "I'll keep in touch," he tapped his radio. "Keep an eye on the kids, T!"

One eyebrow raised in his usual fashion, Teal'c watched O'Neill head down a sloping hill before the man disappeared out of sight.

-

It was only twenty minutes later when Teal'c's radio burped out a garbled amount of static before O'Neill's voice came through.

_"Teal'c!" _came the somewhat hoarse holler, followed by a gasp and cough.

"What is it O'Neill?" Teal'c's brows furrowed slightly as he spoke into the radio.

_"Uh, I'm kinda..ugh..in a little trouble here buddy!" _

Teal'c straightened, his posture showing his concern. "Do you require assistance O'Neill? What has transpired?" The conversation had caught the attention of Carter and Daniel, who immediately forgot about their current little projects and moved over to stand on either side of the Jaffa, listening in on the transmission.

It was a moment before Jack answered. _"I uh..kinda slipped..down the side of a steep hill an' I can't really get out on my own! So, yeah, I need assistance!"_

"We are on our way O'Neill," Teal'c announced with a nod to both Daniel Jackson and Major Carter before taking off in the direction he'd seen their commanding officer head out.

"Do you think he's hurt, or just stuck?" Daniel asked with concern as the three teammates jogged off to get to Jack.

"He did not say," Teal'c answered the archaeologist's question.

Sam spoke up, her voice slightly hesitant as she tried to mask her feelings. "He sounded in pain," she said quietly, a slight grimace on her face.

The team kept up their pace until Teal'c came to a sharp halt, holding his arms out to stop the other two before they ended up sliding down the same steep hill that Jack had. "O'Neill!" he called down, kneeling on the edge of the grass. He could just barely see the back of Colonel O'Neill's right shoulder, the rest of his body hidden by a large bush at the bottom of the steep embankment.

"I hear ya Teal'c!" Jack called, shifting slightly with a grimace to look up at the top of the hill, more than twenty feet above him.

"Sir, are you injured!" Sam knelt beside the Jaffa and looked down with concern.

Jack clenched his teeth and grimaced when he saw Carter. "Dammit," he muttered under his breath, shifting more and hissing in pain as he looked up again. "Uh..ah...sorta!" he called back, suddenly feeling really, really stupid.

Sam shared a confused look with Daniel. "Sorta?" she repeated quietly.

Daniel shrugged, then looked to Teal'c. "How are we supposed to get down there?"

The Jaffa stepped back from the edge of the slope and produced a bundle of repelling rope at his side. He'd grabbed it from the packed F.R.E.D. when O'Neill mentioned the hill over the radio. Spotting a nearby tree, Teal'c anchored one end of the rope to it, tying a tight knot.

"I'll go," Sam volunteered softly. "I need to go down there to assess his injuries,"

"Well," Daniel started with a bit of a smirk, "His 'sorta' injuries," he made little quoting motions with his fingers and shrugged.

Sam glared. "It's not funny Daniel. He's probably just saying that because he doesn't want us to know how hurt he is. You know the Colonel,"

Daniel felt like an ass. He sighed and hung his head, looking shameful. "Yeah, that's true."

Taking off her belt, Sam quickly put together a makeshift harness and took hold of the repelling rope, prepared to head down the slope. "If he's okay to move, we'll probably have to take the long way around to get back up here. We're not going to be able to climb back up," she looked to Teal'c and Daniel who nodded.

"If you need any help, just use the radio," Daniel told her so they wouldn't need to shout back and forth.

"Right," Sam looked down and took a deep breath. "Colonel, I'm coming down!"

"No!"

Brows furrowing, Sam paused at the unexpected response. She sent Daniel and Teal'c looks of uncertainty. "Did he just say no?"

Teal'c gave a simple nod. "I believe he did, Major Carter."

"Sir! I need to check you for injuries!" Sam called back down.

"Carter!" Jack yelled, then there was a hesitant pause. "Just..send Daniel or Teal'c!"

Sam eyed Daniel strangely, and he just shrugged. Taking her radio, she spoke into it instead of screaming back down to the Colonel. "Sir, I've got more medical field training than Daniel, and if you're hurt I have to see to your injuries before you can be moved!"

"What's his problem?" Daniel muttered aloud to no one in particular. "Did he whack his head or something?"

Teal'c did the eyebrow raise thing and Sam rolled her eyes with a shrug.

_"Carter!"_ Jack bellowed into the radio. _"I'm fine!" _came the irritable growl. _"Just send Daniel down!"_

Shaking her head, Sam heaved a slightly insulted sigh and backed away from the edge. Taking off her makeshift harness, she handed it over to the archaeologist. "He's all yours," she muttered.

Daniel grimaced as he went about clumsily getting into the awkward harness. He slung the pack with the med kit over his back, then positioned himself on the edge of the slope. "Okay Jack, I'm coming down!" he called to his friend.

-

Jack sighed with relief and sagged back against the ground. He shifted again with a grimace, craning his neck to see past the bush in his way so that he was able to watch Daniel repelling down toward him.

When the archaeologist finally got down, he unhooked himself from the harness and looked toward Jack with a slightly frustrated expression. "Alright Jack, what's going on-?" he paused in his tirade when he noticed the look of pain across his friend's slightly dirty, and scratched face. He crouched down at Jack's side and cocked his head. "Are you okay?"

Grimacing from a mixture of pain and embarassment, Jack held both hands clutched by his upper right thigh, looking to all the world like a little kid who had to pee really badly. "I think I pulled my groin when I fell," he muttered lowly.

"Oh," Daniel said, not quite grasping it for a moment. Then his eyes widened, his mouth opened a bit more and he said, "Ohhh!" Shaking his head, he stood up and crossed his arms, unable to hide the smirk on his face. He even laughed a little. "So that's why you didn't want Sam to come down here and check you out," he shook his head, laughing a bit harder.

"Daniel," Jack ground out, getting annoyed. He was in serious pain here! "It's not funny!"

Clearing his throat, Daniel's expression sobered and he dropped his arms by his sides. "No, no, of course not." He sighed, "I'm sorry Jack," the words were actually sincere and he understood the man's pain, grimacing in sympathy. "Can you stand?"

Jack heaved a sigh. "Probably. With some help," he made a face.

"Hang on, one sec," Daniel reached for his radio and hit the button. "Teal'c, Sam, come in." He turned, took a step away from the cover of the large bush and waved up to his teammates.

_"Go ahead Daniel, we read you," _Sam answered. _"How's the Colonel?"_

Daniel looked at Jack, who was glaring daggers at him. He hesitated to answer, then just said, "He'll be okay. We're gonna start taking the long way and meet you at the gate." They were too far away from the stargate, and even though they had a ways to go to bybass the hill, Daniel figured he could manage to get Jack there.

_"Alright, we're moving out." _

Helping Jack to his feet, Daniel threw his friend's arm across his shoulders and helped Jack start limping toward the gate. They had to stop when they were half-way there as Jack started complaining, and the archaeologist gave him a couple Ibuprofen from his pack to shut him up.

-

When Sam spotted Daniel helping a limping Colonel O'Neill toward the gate, Teal'c dialed home and she immediately hurried over to help support the Colonel's weight. "Colonel, is it your knee?" she asked with concern.

Jack grumbled something under his breath, shooting a glare toward Daniel, who was trying his best not to blurt out what was wrong. Finally, he muttered, "Something like that," grimacing in pain as he continued to limp over to the gate. Damn that Ibuprofen. It wasn't working nearly as fast as he'd like.

Teal'c said nothing, simply sent his GDO code through and waited for his teammates to step through the gate before following, using the remote to send the FRED back as well.

-

Once they'd come through the gate, Hammond was already enquiring why they were eight hours early, that is, until he noticed that Dr. Jackson and Major Carter were helping Jack down the ramp. "Colonel O'Neill?" He asked with a confused expression, stepping aside as the technical team moved in to take a look at the FRED that Teal'c was maneuvering into the corner of the gate room.

"Just a little fall sir, nothing serious," Jack said quickly and dismissively, forcing a brief smile.

Hammond nodded. "Dr. Jackson, help Colonel O'Neill to the infirmary. Major Carter, Teal'c, meet me in the briefing room for a short debrief before you get your medical exams."

"Yes sir," Sam nodded, leaving Daniel to alone support the Colonel while handing off her P-90 to the armory technician. She glanced oddly at Jack as Daniel helped him limp toward the elevator and she headed for the briefing room. O'Neill definetly had an injury, but by the way he was limping she could tell that it wasn't his knee. She couldn't figure out why he'd lie to her, but dismissed it for the moment and decided to dig into the matter after she and Teal'c quickly debriefed the General.

-

Jack was glaring daggers at Daniel from where he sat on the medical bed, waiting for Dr. Fraiser. He had his arms crossed over his chest with a set scowl on his face.

"Jack," Daniel finally broke the silence, exasperated. "I was _not_ laughing," he tried to defend himself.

"Were too," Jack growled in return, still glaring at the archaeologist.

Daniel still denied it. "Was not,"

"Were too,"

"Not."

"Too."

"Not!"

"Enough!" a third voice broke into the argument. It was Dr. Fraiser.

Both Jack and Daniel had enough sense to look ashamed for their childish bickering.

Janet moved over to Jack and held his face in her hands, briefly examining the little cuts and scrapes there. "These don't look too bad, they're not even deep," she said before taking a step back, hands on her hips. Her brows were furrowed. "The General called me and said you were injured sir, so what's the problem?"

Daniel tried hard not to look smug. "It's his-"

"Daniel!" Jack barked out a terse warning.

"Colonel," Janet reprimanded him. "If you don't tell me what's wrong I'll be forced to run a full battery of tests..." she paused for effect, then smiled maliciously. "Tests that would require my _biggest_ needles," she threatened.

Jack's mouth dropped open and he narrowed his eyes at the small doctor. "You wouldn't."

She sent him another threatening smile. "Try me."

Sticking out his lower lip, Jack hung his head.

"Now _what_ is bothering you Colonel?" Dr. Fraiser demanded sternly.

First heaving a defeated sigh, Jack muttered, "IthinkIpulledmygroin," his head still down.

Janet tilted her head and leaned closer, not quite hearing him. "What was that sir?"

"He said he pulled his groin," Daniel announced loud enough for the entire infirmary to hear. Fortunately, the few nurses that had been there left the room when he and Jack first started bickering.

Jack's head snapped up and he glared at Daniel again. If looks could kill.

Janet wasn't fazed by the admittance. She was in full doctor mode and nothing as simple as a pulled groin would bother or embarass her. Colonel O'Neill, on the other hand, looked mortified. "Don't worry sir, you'd be surprised how often I get cases like this," she assured him with a gentle smile.

Jack just grunted.

The doctor turned to Daniel as she reached up and began to pull the curtain around the bed. "Why don't you go attend your debriefing Dr. Jackson," she scolded the smirking archaeologist mildly. "I'll see you for your post-mission check in a little while," she promised, eyeing the nearby tray that had a few needles on it.

Daniel gulped and fled the room quickly.

Janet turned her attention back to Jack. "Where does it hurt the most, sir?" she asked softly.

Heaving a sigh, Jack lightly pressed his hand against his upper right thigh and winced.

She reached for the medical cart nearby and pulled out a pair of scrubs, setting them down on the bed beside Jack. "I'll need you to strip and put those on while I go get you some ice, sir."

Rolling his eyes, Jack grunted with a nod, shifting uncomfortably as the small doctor stepped outside the curtain.

-

When Dr. Fraiser returned, Jack was forced to lower his pants so she could examine the area. His upper thigh was a bit swollen, but not bruised, and painful to the touch. Fraiser had confirmed that he'd pulled his groin, gave him some more Ibuprofen for anti-inflammatory, then she handed him an icepack and instructed that he rest for awhile. Surely she could have sent the Colonel home with orders to rest, but she knew he probably wouldn't listen, so she ordered him to remain in the infirmary over night just to make sure he'd have atleast one night taking it easy.

Jack agreed, though grudgingly, but only because Hammond had called and ordered him to listen to the doc. He hated being confined in the infirmary, and especially now when there was a good chance Carter would come down to check up on him and have a whole slew of questions about what happened. He grumbled under his breath, trying to relax back into the pillows and fall asleep when Daniel came in.

"Hey Jack, how ya feelin'?" Daniel smiled, but it wasn't the kind of shit-eating-grin that meant he was being condescending, or the kind of smile where you just knew he was holding back a laugh.

Softening his scowl, Jack heaved a sigh and adjusted the icepack. "Fine," he grumbled.

"Good. Good," Daniel said lightly, bouncing on his feet. He pulled a chair over by the bed and sat down.

Jack knew something was on the archaeologist's mind. He narrowed his eyes at him. "Daniel, did you tell Carter-?"

"No!" Daniel answered quickly, shaking his head. "I didn't tell her, actually... I've been very vague and trying to avoid her." He grimaced. "I think she's on to us though... I mean, she knows we're trying to hide something from her."

Shaking his head, Jack scrubbed a hand across his face. He looked back at Daniel, noticing the man squirm. "Daniel..." he said slowly, staring hard at him. "What's going on?"

"Ah.." the archaeologist grimaced. "Well um..uh..." he looked away from his friend while answering in spitfire succession. "Sam'scomingbywithTeal'ctoseeyou," Daniel squinted, peering at Jack for a reaction.

Jack dropped both hands heavily on either side of the mattress. "Oh, for cryin' out loud Daniel!" He threw his head back against the pillow. It was quiet for about two seconds before he realized that he was hearing approaching footsteps outside the open infirmary door.

Daniel shot a look toward the door and fidgeted more in his seat. "Uh, I think they're coming now."

"Christ!" Jack cursed and quickly grasped the bed blanket, tugging it over his lower half to hide the icepack and then yanking a pillow from behind his back to place over his lap. He forced a smile and tried to look nonchalant as Carter came in with Teal'c.

Daniel was doing the same, leaning back in his chair as though nothing was wrong and smiling over at his friends. "Hey guys."

Jack waved at the two. "Hey Carter, T, what's up?"

Teal'c gave a slight nod, his eyes roaming toward the ceiling. "Nothing is 'up' O'Neill, besides the ceiling and florescent lighting," he deadpanned.

"Ah.." Jack's mouth hung open and his gaze shifted. "Okay... Carter?" He smiled again.

Sam stepped closer to the bed. "Just checking to see how you were doing Colonel,"

"Right." Jack nodded, his eyes shifting subtly to Daniel for a second. "I'm good, good.." he patted his hands lightly against the pillow on his lap, wincing immediately as he did so.

"Right," Sam echoed, then waited until O'Neill looked at her, sending him a smug smile as she waved a hand toward the pillow across his lap. "How's the pulled groin sir?" To her credit, Sam's expression never broke, even as Jack's mouth hung open in a rather commical expression.

"Daniel!" Jack shouted, causing the man to jump out of his chair.

Sam was still smiling. "Daniel didn't tell me sir, I figured it out on my own." She was the one who had that shit-eating grin. It was never Daniel.

"Uh..ah..how?" Jack spluttered, finding his voice and managing to compose himself.

Throughout all this, Teal'c stood by stoically, not saying a word.

Taking a seat in another chair, Sam looked the Colonel in the eye, figuring she could atleast give him an explanation. "It happened to my brother when I was a teenager," she laughed softly at the memory. "It was a sports incident, and he tried to keep it a secret from his girlfriend. Mark was acting the same way you've been acting when she stopped at our house to visit him one day." She reached over and tugged the pillow off Jack's lap. "It didn't take long for me to make sense of yours and Daniel's behavior sir."

Jack sighed, leaning back against the remaining pillows. He just shook his head. "Why didn't you say something sooner?" he muttered, realizing she could have saved him half of the embarassment he'd been experiencing since the accident happened.

Sam just shrugged, still grinning. "What fun would there have been in that sir?" She glanced over at Daniel with a wry smirk. "I also had fun watching Daniel squirm when you thought he'd told me."

Daniel shot her a look, appalled that she'd do something like that.

It was quiet for a few minutes after that, then Teal'c rose an eyebrow and spoke up.

"O'Neill," he moved right beside the bed.

"Yeah, what is it T?" Jack muttered tiredly.

"What is a groin, and how does one pull it?"

The seriousness in the question was too much for Daniel and Sam. They both threw their heads back and burst out laughing. Jack just shook his head and tossed an arm up over his face, leaving the Jaffa standing with his singular raised eyebrow.

-The End-

**Note: **Hope you enjoyed! Please review:) This is my first SG-1 humor fic. I hope you guys liked it!


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